Open Letter to Howard Stern.

First let me make something very clear.  I am a HUGE Howard Stern Fan.  Not a typical huge Howard fan…..I am someone who listens to the show every day, all the way through, multiple times per day.  I love everyone on the show and do not know how I will spend my days once he retires.  That being said, I am more than perturbed as to how the show is treating Artie Lange.

In case you weren’t aware, it was recently revealed that Mister Lange tried to commit suicide by stabbing himself 9 times, only to be found by his poor mother and saved.  While I personally find it hard to feel sorry for someone so selfish and stubborn to refuse help, only to take the easy way out and harm all those around him.  I understand that this is how our society operates and I can’t criticize anyone for feeling this way, especially people close to him.  My problem is with you Howard!

For the first time in 20 plus years of listening and mostly agreeing with Howard (besides his borderline sociopathic view on what constitutes chubbiness), I cannot be more enraged by his view that “Artie’s Suicide attempt is a Private Family Matter”

“A Family Matter!?!?!”  Really Howard?!?!?  Do you not realize that when you’re chosen line of work is entertainment, you are in essence selling your privacy?  Artie has spent most of his professional life (not including his year as a long shore man) trying to promote himself.  Getting his name into people’s heads and into people’s homes.  He has opened up about his personal problems, not because he had to, but because he wanted to. (and it bought him a shore house, a bunch of jet skis that he uses as exercise,  oh and a stunning girlfriend) He has made a healthy living by selling his personal life to his fans (Too Fat to Fish anyone?).  God knows that his prior standup career never came close to having such a payoff.  My point is that Artie Lange, just like Howard Stern is a PRODUCT not a PERSON.  We pay for this product and we have a right to know what is keeping this product from our ears.  What you guys do in your personal time is your business…….unless it has something to do with the product I pay for with my very hard earned money, but even more valuable time!

What I am getting at is that no matter how serious a suicide attempt is, it is NOT a private matter.  It is a matter that the people who pay your salary need to be made privy to!  Not because our curiosity needs to be sated, but because we have the right to know what is the status the product we are paying for and not receiving.

I find it incredibly narcissistic and reprehensible for someone who sells a product then decides that they do not want to tell their customers and admirers why the product is no longer available.  I love hearing entertainers who spend their lives trying to become famous so that they become rich; Selling their freedom and privacy on a daily basis;  Hiring agents and publicists and assistants to make sure their “image” is spread out to as many people as possible…..only to one day decide “no I want everything I gave up back.”  Give me my privacy back!!

Sorry guys you cant have your privacy back. I don’t think the “maggot” who leaked this info was doing anything wrong.  If Artie wanted “family privacy” he should have stayed on the docks.

Feel better baby gorilla, but stop holding the greatest show of all time hostage!

Tiger, Tiger….Poor Tiger!

Guess what, Tiger woods is a puny mortal!

I just want to take a few moments to discuss this entire “Tiger Woods cheated on his wife” reality media show that’s been going on for about a week.  Actually no, this discussion isn’t about Tiger it’s about the morals of this country and about laziness.

 Let me ask you one important question.  Can anyone remember when athletes became role models for our children?  Or better yet, when did parents STOP being role models for theirs?  These are the questions that came to my mind when this entire Tiger Woods bonanza broke.  Wasn’t Mickey Mantle a vicious adulterous drunk!?!?  Didn’t Wilt Chamberlin sleep with 10,000 women?  Didn’t president Kennedy cheat on his wife with Marylyn Monroe who used to do more coke than Bill Cosby sold in the 80’s?

 I am not even going to comment on the animals that are picking at Wood’s rotting carcass in order to get their 2 seconds in the spotlight.  In my mind, this is worse than what Tiger did to his wife, simply because adultery happens in all corners of the planet.  Destroying a mans livelihood for your own lazy personal gain doesn’t…..and in fact is illegal in many forms (extortion).

I want to yell at the morons who are upset with Tiger (a complete stranger to them), for doing something that has absolutely nothing to do with why we even know his name.  He cheated on his wife!  Let me repeat….HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE.  This man is a golfer; he earns his livelihood for being a great golfer.  He gets endorsements for being a great golfer (and being interracial).  He get’s alllll of his money for BEING A GOLFER.  I am fairly certain that he has never received a penny or an iota of notoriety for being a faithful husband or family man.  Anyone who is a “Tiger Fan” for the latter and NOT the former is either criminally insane or lying!  So then why is the public so livid with this?!?!

The answer is simple, and disgusting!  We are a country of lazy parents!  Believe me, I am one of them…..but one aspect which I will not….nay CANNOT ever be lazy at is being a role model for my children.  Not anyone else’s….MY CHILDREN.  In a country with ADD medication, Reality TV overload, and Twitter fanatics, we have increasingly become dependant on highly flawed celebrities to raise our children.  People’s reaction to this entire incident shows me that far too many people saw Tiger Woods as some kind of role model.  He isn’t!  Neither is Labron James!  Neither is Derek Jeter!  Neither is Roger Federer! Neither is KELLY CLARKSON! The list can go on and on.

The idea that a celebrity is someone for you or your children to learn morality from is sick, scary, and dangerous.  These people aren’t perfect!  These people aren’t supposed to be perfect! And most of all, you do not even know nearly the content of a total strangers soul unless you have an intimate relationship with them.  Therefore being “let down” by Tiger Woods is your flaw not his!  Allowing a famous athlete to teach your children morality is preposterous!  The only person who should be a role model for your child is YOU!  This goes out to parents, grand parents, aunts and uncles!

Now, please do not get this idea mixed up with children looking up to athletes.  These two ideas are separate and distinct.  There is certainly something to admire about someone reaching the pinnacle of their trade such as Tiger Woods.  There is something to learn from a man with such dedication, passion, and sacrifice in a highly pressure filled and grueling field.  These are things all children and adults should take lessons from.  But please, let’s not confuse the man and the athlete. 

Humans aren’t perfect, and men aren’t even close.  We cheat! We lie! We benefit from other suffering!  We wage wars!  We make mistakes! Tiger Woods is no exception, and his adultery has nothing to do with why you love him.  So stop forcing your fears and insecurities on a man who has brought so much excitement to your life…..and if you weren’t a fan to begin with, stop condemning a complete stranger for the same acts that your father, close friend, aunt, and YOU have probably done in your lifetime!

Start condemning Roman Polanski for rape!

More proof of my Recession Theoy!!

Just another moron “expert” crippling our fragile economy!  This moron should be thrown in jail!

http://realestate.yahoo.com/promo/dont-buy-a-house-yet.html

The Cause of the “GREAT RECESSION” Revealed!

So now that we are thawing out of what many call “The Great Recession” I am still having a problem with what the masses believe is the cause of it all.  I think we can all agree that there are a handful of reasons why most people and/or experts believe that the global economic markets shuddered as they did in 2008/2009.  Was it the greedy banks preying on people with poor credit, was it the Bush administration’s DEREGULATION frenzy, or was it the Clinton administrations REGULATION frenzy?  Perhaps it was the skyrocketing energy prices last summer? Oh wait, we can’t forget the real estate “bubble” collapse and lest we disregard the death of the investment bank. 

I have an altogether different theory.

The near collapse of the Worlds Economy was fabricated and exacerbated by……GLOBAL MASS MEDIA.

You heard right, this is no conspiracy theory lets look at the facts.  Not the kind of facts you read every day which include countless talking head experts analyzing numbers and trends, I am talking about the fact that all of us see in our daily lives.  How many people do you know that didn’t buy a new Ipod touch last September because Lehman Brothers declared bankruptcy?  How many people removed the Showtime/HBO package from their cable lineup because they heard their house (which is not for sale) has depreciated in value for the first time in two decades?  How many hard working Americans sat at home in early 2008 cursing their banks for giving them 2% returns on their money market savings accounts or for giving cheap credit to them even though their credit history was spotty at best?  The answers to all these questions and other similar to them is… NONE.  That’s right ZERO. 

We can all agree that ours is a consumer based economy, this also reflects a vast majority of first world countries across the globe.  Companies like Microsoft don’t start laying off thousands of employees because they have suddenly lost money overnight.  People ask why do companies lay off employees when revenue are high and profits increase?  The answer is….FEAR! 

Where did this fear come from?

It certainly didn’t come from bustling shopping malls across America in August of 2008.  It didn’t come from fortune 500 corporations planning holiday parties and huge executive bonuses, and it certainly didn’t come from cash rich investment banks such as Goldman Sachs and JP Morgan Chase.  This fear was created by the money hungry self-righteous and highly irresponsible mass media outlets of the world.  Not a single day went by without a story reminding us how screwed we all are.  Nary would a morning commence without a news anchor telling you to horde every penny of cash you posses sell your house ASAP and fear the impending apocalypse.  Literally every single day for 6 plus months!

Fear mongering has been a very lucrative profession (cough, cough, religion, cough, cough) for ages and rarely has it been more obvious than the winter of 2008.  I say stop blaming the “greedy” banks who where only giving us what we wanted and craved.  Stop blaming your uniformed real estate agents guaranteeing huge appreciation (we should have been smart enough to know that value doesn’t go in one direction infinitely). Stop blaming our impotent figurehead leaders who are simply following what they perceive the public wants at the time, and have nothing to gain from a financial systems collapse, I can assure you!

Start blaming yourself for making rash and poor decisions and falling for the filth that you where fed on the nightly news.  We stopped buying because we where scared our jobs would evaporate.  Companies starting laying-off employees en mass because people stopped spending money and everyone was certain our economy was doomed (surely revenues would plummet for years to come).  This self perpetuated itself until the self fulfilling prophecy we where fed every night, came to fruition!  There was absolutely no reason for insanely cash rich and highly hedged companies to fold in a matter of weeks (any expert who proclaims otherwise will never be able to produce solid facts).  This recession wasn’t caused by a typical economic ebb and flow! It is a vicious yet fabricated cycle and I think that any so-called reporter who continues to write stories about how pessimistic we need to be should cry themselves to sleep every night. 

We all need to relax, our economy will recover.  We will find jobs again.  Energy prices will skyrocket again.  You will spend another $300 on next years Ipod because your 1 year old touch looks so stinking old…..and people with horrific credit who have no business buying expensive cars will once again be able to drive BMW’s.

…..and the media will once again scare the crap out of us and another recession will occur….just because FEAR SELLS!

Hello world!

Welcome to the Cynical Optimist….I hope to provide daily rants and raves about various topics around in and around our universe. 

Yes, the above sounds like a very pretentious introduction by an obvious narcissist….which i certainly am.  However…I am a narcissit who doesnt mind sharing some pretty intense and controversial opinions, and welcomes a nice challenge.

Enjoy and feel free to try to challenge!